This Blog Smells Funny: Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas, Part 1

For all you procrastinating dudes.

This first batch of last-minute costume ideas is for the fellas, and revolves around having a dark suit, white dress shirt, and black tie.

Are you bald? Are you going bald? Are your follicles fleeing the scene of the crime? Well, Halloween is the perfect opportunity to kick that shit in gear and razor that hairy horsehoe off the back and sides of your head. You also get a cool, cheap Halloween costume out of it.

What you will need:

A black or dark dress suit

White dress shirt

Black tie

Black or dark dress shoes

Razor and shaving cream

Medium-sized rock

Flourescent or glow-in-the dark Green spray paint

Directions:

1. Spray rock with flourescent green spraypaint. Allow drying time. Recoat if necessary.

2. Shave head. Do it in a hot shower, and take your time.

3. Put some shaving lotion or skin conditioner on your head.

4. Put your suit on.

5. Walk around carrying the flourescent or glow-in-the-dark green rock.

6. Congratulations, you’re Lex Luthor with a Kryptonite rock. If you can pair up with someone dressed as Superman, even better.

I went as this guy in 2004.

What you will need:

Black suit, white shirt, black tie, black dress shoes

Razor and shaving cream

Domino or Kato mask (you can find these just about anywhere for a buck)

Toy samurai or ninja sword

Directions:

Shave your head, dress, put mask on, walk around waving the sword and screaming random Japanese-sounding crap. When I did it in 2004, there was a girl at a nightclub dressed as The Bride, and we would scream shit at each other across the club.

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A classy costume for very little investment. You don’t even have to shave your head for this one.

What you will need:

Dark suit, white shirt, dress shoes

White gloves

White scarf

Wide medical gauze

Dark sunglasses

Black greasepaint pen or black makeup

Directions:

Wrap your head and neck carefully with the gauze, making sure that you leave space for your eyes and nose. Attach the ends with some glue, or medical tape, and make sure they’re secure so it won’t start to unravel fifteen minutes after you get to the party. Take the makeup or greasepaint pen and dab the black on any exposed skin for a neat effect (from far away it will look like empty space). Dress in your suit, and wrap the scarf around your neck ascot-style. Put your white gloves and the glasses on. Looks pretty cool. Start talking like an invisible insane person.

I just think this would be pretty funny.

What you will need:

Suit, tie, shirt, dress shoes

Aluminum Foil

White makeup

Yellow makeup

Red makeup

Green makeup

Baby powder or colorless foundation powder

White gloves (optional)

Directions:

Lay a base of white all over your face and neck. Dust lightly with the powder to prevent smearing on your clothes. Take the yellow makeup and color your nose (that’s the pat of butter). Take the red makeup and, using a tiny brush or a cotton swab, draw bacon bit shapes sprinkled around your face. Take the green makeup and draw tiny curls here and there (those are the chives). Dust VERY lightly over the designs. Take the aluminum foil and make yourself a hat or hood, or just wrap it over your head and form an exposed pocket where your face is. Put your suit and gloves on.

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If you want to get nuts with it, I suppose you could actually stick bacon bits and chives to your face with spirit gum, but they probably wouldn’t last very long. You’d smell delicious, though.

Back later with more last-minute costume ideas.

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